Practice Joy; Change Your Life

Stop. Whatever you are doing right now, whatever is going on around you, just stop.

Take a second, right now, to concentrate on the feeling of happiness. Close your eyes briefly and feel the swelling in your chest. If it helps, you can start by thinking of your favorite person, or your favorite place on Earth or a really cool moment in your life. But as soon as you can, just concentrate on the feeling of being happy. You can even use your imagination to pretend to be really happy, and see how it feels exactly the same as the "real" thing.

Feel the tingling in your toes, feel the energy building in your bones, feel your heart soaring and a smile dancing around your lips. Go ahead and feel as happy as you can. Pull in light and love to your body and reach for the highest level of happiness you can find in your mind. Build yourself into a silly frenzy of joy, gratitude and love about absolutely nothing and absolutely everything.

Now. What does it mean that you can generate that feeling all by yourself? What are the implications in your life that this feeling is something you can conjure independently?

How many times do we buy things looking for that feeling? How many times do we "need" energy drinks, fast food meals, a new dress, all in our quest for that feeling? How often do we look for that feeling in alcohol, cigarettes, drugs or other addictions? How many times have we looked for it in television, hobbies or other diversions? How have our purchases of cars or houses ultimately been about that feeling?

Think bigger. How often have we made a pact with ourselves that once this happens, then I will be happy, but months later find ourselves still seeking? How much of our identity or status is wrapped up in trying to justify that feeling? How much time do we spend demanding our friends, family and partner deliver that feeling to us? How often are we disappointed that it doesn't come?

If this feeling is something we can generate by ourselves once, we have the ability to generate it again and often. If we can generate it a little bit, we can practice to generate it a lot. If we can generate it when we are in easier situations, such as a beautiful sunset or a loving moment, then we can practice until we can generate it anytime.

Any.

Time.

Do you realize how huge that is?

It's only a thought away.

So if we can drink from the well whenever we want, what is stopping us? Why do we feel the need to justify our happy feelings — put them in a box with a ribbon around it or hack someone else down to feel superior over them? Why do we spend all this time, energy and money seeking something that is as free and simple as breathing?

You can call it love or bliss, Christ or Nirvana. You can get there through thoughts, prayers or meditations. Whatever the shortest path for you is. All that's important is that you see how much more difficult and ultimately flawed it is to seek it in the external world. There is no need to find justification for your happiness. Just do it.

Practice joy. Be happy. You've already proven you can. There is nothing stopping you except you.

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Looking for a meaningful gift? Dark & Light: A Love Story in Black and White is a beautiful and insightful board book available here. All profits go towards my son's medical needs. 

My Diary Entry From Seven Years Ago Gives Me The Willies

I'm reading a journal entry from seven years ago and I have goosebumps.

I've spent so long seeing myself as a career woman who got desperately derailed by Malachi's diagnosis. I worked very hard through high school, college and beginning reporting jobs to climb as high and as fast as I could. Then I suddenly dived off that path, so what did all that hard work matter? 

But this journal entry comes from before I had even started working. In many ways, it validates the life I have now. It lets me know that, by and large, I'm doing exactly what I wanted to be doing, albeit not for pay and not in the way I imagined doing it.

The date was Sept. 11, 2006. I had just graduated college and job prospects were dim. Here is what I wrote:

I'm sitting here counting how long I've been unemployed. Not quite three months, though it seems much longer.
I've spent almost entire days on the couch, sleeping or staring into nothing. I've gotten past the point where days of not doing anything are restful or relaxing.
These days are boring, unsatisfying and depressing. Lately, I've come out of my depression a little to feel the need for action. But mostly, I'm unsure where that focus should be directed. Job leads at both the AP and The Sentinel have stalled through unexplainable delays and choosing another road to start down is difficult because there are so many options, depending on how far afield I want to look. It feels like at some point Providence comes in and says this is what you are supposed to do. But how long should I wait for that?
Mom says I need to make a declaration to God about what I want. A segment on TV about a woman who died in the World Trade Center towers said that I need to make a list about the things I want to accomplish in life. So here I go.


• I want to be the greatest service I can be to people in my professional and personal life.

• I want a job that makes me feel like I've made a difference.

• I want to remember to make the smallest impact on the environment that I can.

• I want to be able to feel love at all times and remember to love and be loved.

• I want to feel comfortable with anyone and be able to make anyone feel comfortable.

• I want to stand up for myself and loved ones when necessary.

• I want to succeed professionally and be well respected by my peers.

• I want to have financial security and remember that ensuring this does not mean earning enough but saving enough.

• I want to always consider cogent arguments and, even if I do not agree with them, recognize where they come from.

• I want to be able to feel what I feel and not feel bad that I'm not feeling something else.

• I want to remember to help people whenever I can.

• I want to know what I am worthy of.

• I want to feel special.

• I want to travel more.

• I want to experience many different things in life.

• I want to teach my children to be independent and self-reliant.


The writing I do here on this blog and the questions I answer for other parents on the special needs path encompasses so many of those things. Even though life is linear and I don't owe my former self anything, I feel a measure of satisfaction that I'm not so far off from who I hoped I would be.

Fun with hats and costumes while in a waiting room.

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Looking for a meaningful gift? Dark & Light: A Love Story in Black and White is a beautiful and insightful board book available here. All profits go towards my son's medical needs. 

The Secret to Life

Dearest Children,

My darlings, you are three years old now, so allow me to pass along to you The Secret to Life. It goes like this:

Step 1: Decide what you want.

Step 2: Ask for it in the right way.

Step 3: Get it.


That's it.

Granted, most of your life will be spent figuring out Step 2.

But here's a hint.

STOP. WHINING.


XOXO,

Mama

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Looking for a meaningful gift? Dark & Light: A Love Story in Black and White is a beautiful and insightful board book available here. All profits go towards my son's medical needs. 

My Kids Say the Darnedest Things

I am really loving this age with my kids. They are a little more than 3 years old and they are constantly saying hilarious things.

I remember about the time JJ first started walking, I often felt like I was living in an absurdist French comedy. I would be dealing with some crisis — say Malachi had a blowout — and in the background, JJ would be slowly and methodically putting all of the plastic dishes into the bathtub for no apparent reason while loudly calling: "BOB BOB BOB BOB BOB BOB." I would step outside of myself and think: "Wow. This is kind of hilarious."

These days the hilarity comes from the things they say: the grown-up phrases they are trying on for size and the imprecise conclusions they reach as they try to make sense of this mixed up, messed up world. Their cute babbling and slurry 3-year-old talk is occasionally punctuated by these windows into the big kids they will soon be.

Here's a recent one:

(In a family dressing room at a pool party)
Malachi: "What is that thing called?"
Me: "It's a bra."
Malachi: "What does a bra do?"
Me: "Ummm... It keeps my boobs all together."
JJ (completely serious): "(Otherwise) we'd have boobs EVERYWHERE!"

And another:

(Malachi pointing repeatedly to the crab on his shirt.)
Malachi: Gropygrope, gropygrope, gropygrope. Crabs say "gropygrope."
Me: Crabs say "gropygrope"?
Malachi: They sure do.

And another:

(JJ, scheming on my PB&J)
Me: OK, you can have some.
JJ (said like a tiny wizened diplomat): Thank you for giving me a piece of yours. You are a good brother.

And one that displays Malachi's adoration of letters:

(I walk into the room and Malachi breaks into a huge smile and reaches for me.)
Malachi: Mommy.
Me: That's me!
Malachi: Spell Mommy.
Me: M-O-M-M-Y
Malachi smiles beatifically, as if that is the most wonderful thing he's ever heard. Then, in a reverent whisper: "I can also call her Shasta."

Love it.

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Looking for a meaningful gift? Dark & Light: A Love Story in Black and White is a beautiful and insightful board book available here. All profits go towards my son's medical needs. 

How to Make Falling Down Fun and Educational

I'm really excited about a game my son came up with, recently.

He thinks it's hilarious to fall down.

Now, you wouldn't think I would be especially stoked about that. After all, he could hurt himself. But I feel like this is an exciting opportunity because it's turning learning how to fall into something fun.

The Anat Baniel Method, our primary form of therapy, talks about falling down as being a very important part of learning to move. If children don't know how to fall down safely, they are paralyzed with fear about moving. In fact, ABM describes walking as falling down and catching yourself with your feet. This makes a lot of sense to me when I watch babies move. They lead with their head and lean towards interesting things. When they lean far enough off their center of gravity, they either fall on their face, or catch themselves with their hands (crawling) or feet (walking).

So I was excited when Malachi started thinking falling down onto me from standing or sitting was really funny. I think this could be an "in" for getting him to learn about how his body interacts best with gravity.

The game we have come up with is he holds on to the bottom dresser drawer while sitting with his legs in various positions.

I guess I should stop and explain this part of the game. A couple months ago, I asked him if he wanted to be sitting "W-style." This is where you sit on your bottom with your knees on the floor in front of you and your feet behind you. He loves letters and the alphabet, so he quickly asked to be "X-style," the next letter of the alphabet. I put him in "criss-cross applesauce" and he laughed and asked for "Y-style" and on and on. Now it's become our mission to figure out sitting positions for all the letters of the alphabet. Once we finish, I think it could be a really cool children's alphabet book. And yes, I'm working on it.

Back to the falling game. So, Malachi holds on to the dresser drawer and asks for a certain sitting style. I put a tall stack of pillows on one side and a single pillow on the other side, then I sit behind him. This way he can choose if he wants to fall a long way or a little way. It also gives him an opportunity to realize how to get himself back up onto the drawer from the tall stack.

So, he holds on to the drawer and says "I'm falling!" or "I'm so afraid!" or "Oh no!" while giggling. I ask him if he wants to fall on the tall pillow or the short pillow or on me. He then tries to position himself so that when he lets go, he falls on his chosen surface. Sometimes he falls where he wants to, sometimes he doesn't, but he is enjoying himself and learning about his body, so I think it's pretty great.

Another thing that is pretty great? While playing this game, he occasionally lets go and doesn't fall for a few seconds. You know what that is? That's sitting independently. Heck yes! Talk about turning "failure" into success!

Now, if I can come up with a game where the object is to catch yourself with your hands, we will be off to the races!

Feel free to share this post using the icon buttons below and if you haven't subscribed to my RSS feed, liked me on Facebook or followed me on Twitter, there's no time like the present! 

Looking for a meaningful gift? Dark & Light: A Love Story in Black and White is a beautiful and insightful board book available here. All profits go towards my son's medical needs.