Those times when you want to smother your children... with love

It's 9:30.

Bed time is 7:30.

WTF is so hard about sleeping?!?!

I had kept them up until a little past 8 p.m. to avoid the 30 minutes of loud babbling we'd been treated to the past few nights at bedtime.

So why the hell aren't you sleeping, Malachi?

I didn't want to cave in like we have the last few nights and let him watch TV, so I let him cry for a while.

Keep calm, Shasta. Matt's at work so you're all alone tonight.

Still crying.

I hate this kid, I hate this kid.

I pick him up and rock him and sing to him.

Keep it together, Shasta.

He cries even louder and thrashes around on me instead of the bed.

Don't get angry. He'll only get scared and cry harder if you get angry.

He must have an upset tummy. He had a lot of gas at dinnertime but never did poop.

Dammit. I'm going to have to shove a suppository up his butt, aren't I?



Cry. Burp. Cry. Strain. Cry. Poop. 


As his breathing calms, we dance together in the moonlight in the living room. He lays on my chest and looks up at me with tired unblinking eyes. We breathe each other's air for a long peaceful moment.

Then, he says, with a recognition I feared I would never see in his eyes: "Ama."

I smile, "That's right, Malachi. Mama."

He smiles. "Mama."

Holy crap, I love this kid.

Malachi learns to say "Mama" from Shasta Kearns Moore on Vimeo.


  1. Elissa11:13 PM

    I don't have words. Just. Sigh. A little teary but smiling.

  2. Anonymous11:16 PM

    Ugh, it is hard to stay mad when they talk to you! Though I do draw the line at 3:30 am requests to snuggle.

  3. Wow, that is some good mothering!

  4. Brought tears to my eyes. happy ones.

  5. Aww! So adorable! It is a magical moment!

  6. tears and smiles. the look on your childs face that fills your heart just after you have seemingly exhausted all your motherly instincts. priceless
    holy crap shasta

  7. he is soo cute no wonder u helped him

  8. Tears are in my eyes, Shasta. We've all been there - and to have that sweetness paid back at the end of the fustration and guilt is priceless. Beautiful writing.

  9. Danielle Chantiny10:09 AM

    I've been sucked into reading quite a few of your posts this morning for the first time after following the link of the "Rollover" video from FHM. Your words are so eloquent and so profoundly felt that I feel like I understand even though I have not personally experienced all that you have. Thank you. -Danielle

  10. Cool! Thanks for reaching out, Danielle. It's wonderful to know my words have touched you. Thank you very much.

  11. Oh man, I just saw that I never replied to any of these comments. Thank you everyone for your reactions. It was a very touching moment.


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