Thursday, October 13, 2011

One twin's parents are nothing like the other's

Jaden's parents would never dream of giving him Pediasure or other corporate, processed food products designed to mimic actual nutrition.

Malachi's parents worry when he doesn't eat enough of it.

Jaden's parents drop him off at babysitters' houses with little to no explanation beyond when he last ate and slept.

Malachi's parents leave detailed instructions on everything from how to play with him to how to change his shirts to how to make his bottles.

Jaden's parents would have kept him in cloth diapers until he was potty-trained.

Malachi's parents worried the bulky diapers were interfering with his mobility.

Jaden's parents let him cry and get dirty and scrape his knees.

Malachi's parents squabble over how much crying is too much and they never feel able to put him outside without a blanket between him and the elements.

Jaden's parents let him figure things out for himself as much as possible.

Malachi's parents push him every day to learn more, better, faster.

Jaden's parents expect him to eat whatever they give him, even if it's not his favorite food.

Malachi's parents often resort to tried-and-true standbys.

Jaden's parents greet each of his new milestones with mild pride and sometimes a twinge of annoyance.

Malachi's parents are absurdly proud at the smallest achievement.

Jaden's parents are reasonably confident in their ability to raise him.

Malachi's parents have read countless books, talked to even more experts and yet still don't feel at all prepared for whatever his childhood has in store for them.

Malachi's parents are nothing like Jaden's parents.

I never wanted to be like Malachi's parents.




11 comments:

  1. This is a very touching and bittersweet post.

    I'm so glad you stopped by Cheap Wine and Cookies because I'm super excited to dig into your blog. I'm also excited because I have been going up and down and up and down about possibly moving to Portland when I get out of the Marines.

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  2. Oh, a food-obsessed anti-war ex-Marine? You would fit right in here! You should definitely consider it. And look me up when you do!

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  3. Thank you Shasta..........its amazing how you are able to put my thoughts into words. Some days its just so hard to have twins, and not for the reasons most people would assume.

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  4. I never thought about how difficult it was for you to raise two different kids. Thank you for sharing :)

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  5. Anonymous4:38 PM

    I saw a link to your blog on Inspire.com and I just have to thank you for writing it with such honesty. I am the mother of a surviving 26 week twin who is about to turn 2 and I have never seen a blog that is so honest about what it's like to have a child with special needs. Thank you for writing it and for making me feel like someone else out there gets that it is not always sunshine and roses!!!

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  6. I love this post. <3 Thanks for your honesty and brilliant writing.

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  7. I think what you've captured here is a more dramatic version what everyone with two or more kids eventually discovers. The child makes the parent. And if those kids aren't twins, you have a period of thinking you know what kind of parent you are, until the second one comes and upends the apple cart.

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  8. Nisha: Thanks for the thank you!

    Anonymous: Wow, thanks so much. I try to be as honest as I can, both in life and in writing. I worry that it will turn off some folks who are looking for the bright side, but I feel like people like us need a space where they can talk about the clouds, too! :)

    I think you're right, Steph. It seems like many aspects of SPN parenting is just more intense versions of regular parenting.

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  9. That was such a great post! Very insightful and made me pause and think about things... wish it didn't have to be, but you guys are doing a great job and neither boy could ask for better parents.

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  10. I love this post! Matt is an only child, but we never wanted thought we would be the kind of parents we are with him. We have tons of nieces and nephews and we were used to kids running around, getting dirty and scraping their knees. We were in no way prepared for all of the specialists, diets and medications. I always wonder what our lives would have been like if we could have been the other kind of parents.

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